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A Very ROSS KEMP CHRISTMAS – THE 2023 CHRISTMAS BLOG
Fans and critics alike argue at length about which is the definitive film version of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. There can be less debate about the worst. I should know. I saw it the other night.
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the man in the bookcase – a ghost story for halloween
The story goes that my great-great-great-grandfather – a north Norfolk fisherman – was out at sea one stormy night and returned home, mid-tempest, to perch on the end of my great-great-great-grandmother’s bed. As she stirred, he told her that he was going to have to go back out to sea.…
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ON BECOMING our OWN WAITERs
A sly propaganda has been at work over the last decade. It’s got nothing to do with Covid vaccinations or the New World Order. Instead, this propaganda has embedded a belief that there’s something charmingly rustic about restaurants offering customers a chance to be their own waiters.
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Artificial Stupidity
…My most recent bugbear is ChatGPT. I don’t really even know what it is but I know I’m going to be expected to learn about it and integrate it into my life somehow. Goodness, I can’t be arsed. I’m turning forty this year and I’m not ashamed to say that…
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An Ode to Darts – The 2022 Christmas Blog
…The World Darts Championship is so lairy that just by watching it at home, sipping red tea in your new slippers, you can still wake up the next morning with the thud of a hangover and your dressing gown slightly smelling of cigarette smoke.
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The Baking Tray Incident
…Up until Friday morning, I owned two baking trays. As of now, I own just the one. Why this is, I cannot say. I’ve lost a lot of things over the years: CDs, gloves, watches, hair, the full and proper use of my pancreas to Type 2 Diabetes. But never…
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A Very Norfolk Christmas
…For the second year running, Christmas has been starved of the life force. I’m sure the upper rooms of Downing Street will be awash with party hats, musical chairs, mistletoe kisses and covert arse-pinches this week, but lots of people won’t be able to summon the same party spirit.
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All The Fun Of The Fair
…I wonder how keen those claret-skinned chaps who constantly moan about health & safety ‘going mad’ would themselves be to hop aboard some of these fairground rides and test the integrity of their principles with a five-minute spin on The SpineThrasher. You certainly don’t see many of their type in…
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The Fresh Prints
…In this fully connected modern world of video chats and pop-up messages, it’s amazing how lonely one can feel watching a YouTuber almost provide the answer you need to a very niche issue regarding a printer.
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On Leaving Sky
…It was all I ever wanted. Some kids dream of flying rockets into the sky. Others dream of riding unicorns across it. My own dreams mostly concerned watching it.
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The New Abnormal
…Doorway hand sanitisers are either freshly loaded, spitting venom down your shirt like a cobra with an attitude problem, or they force you to stand there for three minutes, viciously pumping the last few airy globules of chemical saliva from a spout which looks like it spent the majority of…
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The War Cabinet
…I keep buying needless non-perishables: corned beef, Del Monte peach slices, those little glass jars of peas and carrots, honey, baked beans, plain digestives. War food. I’ve had to clear out an extra cupboard to store it all. I call it the war cabinet. I’m voluntarily buying items rejected by…
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thenorfolkwriter 